Or Not…

Apparently ACDA was a shorter trip than I anticipated. I am now back home Friday evening. Nevertheless, it was a fun trip. We drove 5 hours to Cincinnati, with four of us having less than 2 hours of sleep, luckily the one driving was not one of them. When we arrived we ended up getting lost in downtown, and it took us half an hour to find a parking spot. We had lunch at Chipotle, then attended a performance of three musical groups before heading towards the workshop with Dr Holmes (the reason we were there in the first place). For all of us, it was just like another day in choir, only with complete strangers. I hope they had quite an experience with Holme’s uniquely odd teaching techniques.
After that we checked into the hotel. This involved almost getting run over by a very angry lady while we tried to save a spot in the hotel parking lot, riding escalators, elevators and discovering that simply everything in the hotel cost money, from breakfast to the Internet. So much for high quality service.
That night, after much procrastination, we had dinner at the Rock Bottom Brewery, where several of the directors of our college’s choirs also ended up going. We ended up talking across the table so frequently that the staff were quite disgruntled. After dinner we headed to Starbucks and picked the directors brains about their experiences with choirs and their interests.
Upon arriving back at the hotel, we found our hotel room filled with people, so we hung out for a bit while I gave foot rubs and manicures. There was also a fair amount of running around the hotel, since Chamber Choir was staying in the same hotel as us.

The Next morning, we slept in so late, we almost didn’t have enough time to check out (but our bill was amazingly paid for) and get to the second workshop. We ran all the way to the conference. We worked on several new pieces including a beautiful wordless piece that involved all the notes of the music of the spheres. The resulting sound was so beautiful it almost made me cry.
We left the workshop an hour later and went to a cute French Bistro for lunch, where I had quiche and chocolate mousse. After that, we skedaddled back to the conference and listened to Chamber Choir and some other choral groups. Their singing was breathtakingly beautiful.
On the way home we listened to a bunch of odd music and played question games, as us music students do.

This “weekend” ended before the real one began, but it was a nice change from Millikin for a few days, without losing the real weekend. Thanks to Alison for putting up with me the whole trip and sharing a bed with me. I had a heap of fun.

ACDA!!!

For the next couple days, from 5am tomorrow til God knows when Sunday, I will be experiencing the all encompassing experience of the American Choral Directors Association Conference Thingy. Although I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, I will keep you all posted on the trip and goings on, as long as I have Internet to work with.

I do however, get to travel far away and skip classes. So it can’t be that bad.

New Tousled, Curly Hair Trick

Now in one of the many days when I decided not to give a damn, I discovered a new way to make my hair look curly and huge, I look I’ve been trying to achieve for ages but have yet to find the solution for. Although sleek hair is apparently more stylish right now, I much prefer this look.

You will need:
Volumizing Mousse
Bobby Pins
Self Confidence

Directions:
1: Take a shower or wet your hair.
2: Dry it with a a towel until it looks tousled but is not yet fully dry
3: Apply mousse through hair liberally, scrunching and maintaining tousles.
4: Divide your hair into four or five sections.
5: Crumple and scrunch one section of your hair and pin it to your head so that there are no loose ends.
6: Repeat with other sections.
7: Either wear, as a strange and odd style all day, or wear to bed.
8: In the morning, unpin your hair and it will be a mass of messy, tousled curls.
9: Style as desired and strut your stuff!

Save getting a perm… this works every time even on short thin hair, and looks poofy fantastic.

The Seven Stages of Grief

Apparently, it is a widely accepted perspective that everyone goes, in some degree, through the seven stages of grief. Although Depression may permeate the entire process, the stages are as follows:

Shock or Disbelief
Denial
Bargaining
Guilt
Anger
Depression
Acceptance and Hope

I feel like I spent a fair amount of time in denial, skipped right over guilt and went straight to anger and depression, but sometimes it’s hard to tell whats going on even in myself.
I spend most days in a fairly good mood, with lots of plans and classes to distract myself, projects in the works, analysis of management techniques and self help books. However, when the evening rolls around and I have nothing left to distract myself, my true thoughts tend to be more telling of my mood. I have so far gone only one day without bawling at night, and I broke that record yesterday.
I find it strange the sorts of things that can cause me to simply break down. Initially it was wanting the whole thing back, to go back to how it was and erase the past couple days, then it was the fact that he chose someone else over me, and now it seems to be righteous anger over the fact that he seems to be completely happy while I’m miserable (this coming from someone who claimed to care about my feelings). The fact that he regains every aspect of his life save me, and I lose everything including him seems so unfair that as angry as I am, I still end up crying.

I feel like I’m getting better, sometimes. I just wish I knew when I’d stop being so hung up on this whole situation and feel like I can move on with my life.

Over

As far as I can tell, it’s over. Not that he’s said a thing to me about it, or even yelled at me, but since he’s ignoring everyone for her, including me, I’m left to assume that he’s no longer interested. Which simultaneously sucks and doesn’t suck. Because now I have to try and move on, even if I don’t want to. I’m not really sure how to start, or what to do, but enough said on the matter.

It’s over.

My Bipolar Life

I am in no way insinuating that I am bipolar, or that I know what it’s like to live with those kinds of issues. Merely, my life likes to flip around on a dime from good to bad, or bad to good.
You already know about how bad this week was.
But this morning, I woke up rested, took a shower, paid attention in class, sung in choir, could breathe through my nose for the first time all week, received a check from Student Services, got 2 packages in the mail and got a free magnet from the IT guy who fixed the mail on my phone. I also now have loads of tissues and a humidifier courtesy of my mother, have eaten food today and did not feel at all nauseous and did it all looking fairly attractive in a nice blue dress with my hair done up.

Here is the issue. My life refuses to be in any way constant. There are these amazing days, where I can’t even try and feel bad because everything goes my way and these awful depressing days when everything goes wrong. Maybe it will stay good or bad for a while, but you can be certain, when it changes, it won’t be slightly. It will be a tsunami of changes all in quick succession. And as much as I love it when it’s a good change from the bad, its hard to keep up with my fortune.

The Past Couple Days

Since everyone already knows this story who is close to me, I might as well tell everyone else.

I have been in a non committal, open “friends with benefits” relationship for the past month with a boy who seemingly spontaneously decided this last weekend that he would start flirting with his emotionally and physically abusive ex in front of me.
This lead to an avalanche of confusion and insecurity, that accidentally led me to a psychiatrist and being locked in a guarded hospital room alone for four hours because the doctor was apparently really busy.
As you can imagine, this did not help my mental state at all.
On top of that, I have been quite severely ill for the past couple of days – so I feel gross, tired and completely unattractive.

Now, after surviving all that, he decides he wants to take some time apart.

I’m not really sure where I stand on the whole issue right now. Half of me hates the guy and the other half just wants to feel wanted again; It’s hard to sleep alone when you haven’t for a month. Now the ball is in his court… but I’m not sure if it’s already over or not.
Most of what I’ve heard is that when a guy says he wants some time apart and space to think… it usually means he’s too much of a wimp to just break up. Personally, I’m much more for the knowing and not stalling answers, but who knows, maybe he actually does have stuff he wants to think about. I’m just trying to emotionally survive the next couple days and regain my self respect and self esteem.

It might also help that I cleaned my room today, from the initial advice of my horoscope and further prodding from my roommate.