Discoveries and Mishaps

All righty then. Since I have nothing better to say yet, you’re going to hear more about my nutty life.

1. I have severe panic attacks when put in situations that cause me to commit to a romantic relationship, or when someone is treating me with a sense of silent expectation. I am much better at making stupid decisions and living with the consequences than making smart decisions and sticking with them.
2. As much as I try, order will not persist in my life. I try and clean my room, and my clothes when i can find the inordinate amount of time it requires to do these things, but the clean state never maintains itself, and ultimately falls into disarray. This could easily be the cause of half my problems, as a clean room and clean clothes and especially a constant regimen of showers is all that keeps my mind from complete distraction. This is also possibly the reason why…
3. I seem to lose the most basic things nowadays. This is due to a combination of forgetfulness and disorder, no doubt, but I cannot understand how every pair of gloves I own has magically lost their mate.
4. I forget things all the time, as well, even though I try and write down everything from homework to song ideas to random thoughts. Every idea seems to fly out of my head ten seconds after I think it, or hear it, or see it written. This coming from the girl who memorized the first hundreds digits of pi in a day. I worry sometimes if this is a precursor, a premonition, of what is to come. My grandmother has Alzheimer’s, and my mother seems to forget more and more basic things, like where she parked her car, where she left her phone or even where the present I gave her that she saw me get came from. Perhaps this forgetfulness is the reason why my mother is one of the most organized people I know.


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